Crayons and Beginnings

Random Fact For Today:
(thanks to Kara)
The most senior crayon maker, Emerson Moser, retired after making 1.4 billion crayons for crayola. It was then that he revealed that he was actually colorblind.







So i've been thinkin a lot lately about beginnings....about how scary they are, and also about how rewarding and exciting they turn out to be looking back. Once I really think about it i can see looking back that there are many things I regret, many things I could have done differently or would change, and often I find myself hesistant in new beginnings because I am afraid I will make the mistakes of the past....however, of all the things, events, and decisions I regret, none of them were beginnings. I regret the middle of some things, and there are many endings I regret...but no beginnings.
Why then, after all the experience and years of beginning after beginninig, am I still terrified of any new thing? And honestly, being scared, nervous, excited, isn't that half the fun?? Moving to a new place, beginning a new chapter in life, meeting and learning to understand new people, isn't that what makes life exciting?? Isn't it in fact the beginnings that force us to change and grow? I think that perhaps I am in need of a change of attitude towards this whole area of "beginnings". I say over and over that I dislike the uncertainty and anxiousness that comes with beginnings, the fear of failure, of making a leap and having no ground to stand on and falling. In fear of sounding terribly corny....how else though do you learn to fly? How else can we learn anything but by making the huge mistakes, and changing because of them.
This could be applied to so many areas in my life, so many times that I'm afraid to jump in and give it my best shot...I hold back because i'm scared that i'll be wrong, embarrass myself, do the wrong thing....but it seems to me...the only thing worse than doing the wrong thing is doing NOTHING. I don't want to be that girl. I want to be the one who tries...who puts her whole heart...not just a piece...into everything she does....and lays it all out for anyone and everyone to see, even if it results in embarassment and failure, because at this point, what do i have to lose??
I have everything to gain. I want nothing more than to take a chance, a leap, do the thing I'm afraid of...quit hiding behind insecurity. How many opportunities have I already missed? How many chances to learn and experience things that i may never have the chance to learn and experience again.
I guess really I'm challenging myself right now to "grow a pair"....we'll see how this goes!




You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

The ultimate reason which deals with beginnings remains locked in a seed. There it lies, the simplest fact of the universe and at the same time, the one which calls for faith rather than reason.
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